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What One Family Wants You to Know About the “Beautiful Mess” of Adoption



I am part of a Facebook group made up of fellow families who are adopting through our agency, and recently there was a request to the group to answer a few questions for an article someone is putting together.  I would like to share my answers.  I hope you enjoy getting a view into this adoptive parent’s mind.


If you could nail down the top three reasons why you chose to adopt, what would they be?

1. Adoption is gospel.

{Galatians 4:3-7  In the same way we also, when we were children, were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world. But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.}

{James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.}


2. “We believe God in heavenly things – our adoption in Christ; so we follow him in earthly things – the adoption of children.” (Adopted for Life, Russell D. Moore)

We were all orphans…  fatherless, wondering in sin and sorrow.  But God sought us out, brought us in and calls us sons. We want to carry on that cause by adopting children of our own.

{Eph 1:3-6 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.} 

{Romans 8:14-17  For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.}


3. We believe that every child deserves to experience the love of a family and the love of God.  We are going to do what we can to make that one less child in need of a family.


What is the one question you get asked, more times than not, and how do you respond?

I’m not one to complain about the things that are said to me.  I understand that most hurtful comments are not meant to be so, and they are just said out of ignorance.  I can’t blame someone for something they don’t understand.  But for the sake of this specific post, here are a few I’ve heard.


Before Jesse was born:

“Well, you’re gonna have children of your own, right?”

Me: They will be my own.

“No, I mean your “OWN” children.  Your own blood!”

Me: They don’t have to have my blood to be my “own.”

“Well, you know what I mean.”


“Can you not have your own children?”

I always answered, “I don’t know.  I’ve never tried.”

(Even if I couldn’t physically have children, do you think I’d wanna talk about it anyway?)


After Jesse was born:

“Great, you don’t have to adopt, now!”

Me: Actually, I’m adopting because I want to… not because it was “Plan B”…


What is the one question that you think should NEVER be asked regarding your adoption(s)?

“Why don’t you adopt one with a skin color that’s more similar to yours?”


How would you best describe the beautiful mess of adoption?

Adoption is hard.  It’s one of the hardest things we’ve ever done, and I’m sure it will get harder.  You work so long and hard researching, being swallowed by endless paperwork, putting your heart on the line, enduring heart-wrenching set-backs, praying, waiting, waiting, and waiting. But in the end when you finally hold that child and bring them home to be consumed by love for the rest of their lives, you will look back on all the mess (and all the hurtful comments) and tell your child, “You were worth it.”  Similarly, Jesus endured unimaginable suffering as he died… yet when he welcomes us home, I imagine he will look back on all the pain and say, “You were worth it.”

(I hope the asker of these questions doesn’t mind… I thought the question was so good I adopted it as my title!)


What is one thing you want the world to know about your family?

We believe that family is more than blood, and we will consider all our children – whether biological or adopted – as “real” and “our own.”


How do you answer the question “why, which are real, how much did they cost?”

They’re all real and they’re all priceless.


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Photos by Lauren Pinson Photography

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